


in your arms

by theinvisiblesolace



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Bullying, Death, Depression, Jude's life after Connor left, M/M, Self-Harm, Sleep Deprivation, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-16 15:15:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5830423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theinvisiblesolace/pseuds/theinvisiblesolace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jude's life crumbled after Connor left.</p>
<p>{ Read the tags }</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"I love you, okay? Moving away won't change a thing." Connor promised as he wiped away my tears.

This is not the end Jude, I promise." Connor exclaimed.

I just looked at the ground, I could say anything, I could tell him to stay, I could beg him to stay. 

But I know I can't. 

Connor deserves happiness, and if I can't give it to him, and if he doesn't feel happy here, then he should go to a place where he feels happy and loved.

He deserves so much.

Connor went silent and wiped away another one of my tears, "I love you." Connor whispered to me.

"I love you to." I meant it. I meant every single word.

Connor smiled weakly and cupped my face with his hands, and within a second collided his lips with mine.

The kiss was so amazing.  
It held so much emotion.  
And love.

Connor broke the kiss, "Jude, I have to go. I love you so much..But I have to go."

I nodded.

He turned around to face the car his dad was in.

"I'm so sorry Jude." 

Then he's gone.   
He's gone.

_________________________________________________

I walked in auto pilot to my house.

Stef and Lena were in the living room, they heard the door shut and looked up to me, "Honey.." Lena said softly. She and Stef stood up and walked over to me. 

Lena went over and opened her arms to wrap me in a hug.

I stepped away.

Lena looked hurt.  
I felt bad but didn't say anything.  
"Love I know it hurts.." Stef said softly.

No.  
They dont know.  
They don't care.

I'm the weird one, right? They'd get rid of me if it wasn't for Callie.

They don't love me cause they don't understand.  
You can't love something you dont understand.

I ran up the stairs, Stef and Lena yelled for me.

But I didn't care.

I ran into my room, locked the door, and sunk down to my knees and sobbed.

__________________________________________________


	2. Chapter 2

Nothing been the same since Connor left, everyone at school ignores me, everyone at home either acts like I'm not their or they treat me like I'm gonna break any second. 

To bad I'm already broken. 

__________________________________________________

Connor's dad stopped by today, he apologized again for not understanding.

I just nodded till he was done speaking.

I didn't really listen to his words, I already knew what he was going to say.

But I did notice his physical appearance, dark shadows underneath his eyes, tear imprints on his face to indicate he had been crying, and he had seemed to also lost weight.

He gave me a hug and I let him.

__________________________________________________

Connors been gone for a month he still hasn't tried to contact me once.

But its okay, I kinda expected it, everyone goes away eventually.

_________________________________________________

The bullying has gotten worse, Connor used to scare them away for me, but he's living in a different state now.

I could tell Lena, but I'm not gonna give her any more trouble than I already have.  
_________________________________________________

I found a new way to numb the pain, cutting.

They say its bad, but I don't think so.

At least I feel something.

_________________________________________________


	3. Chapter 3

He went through so much pain, and it was my fault.

Slice.

I'm the reason Callie suffered so much pain.

Slice.

I'm the reason Jesus doesn't have his own room.

Slice.

I'm the reason Lena lost her job.

Slice.

I'm the reason Callie ran away.

Slice.

I'm the reason Adam couldn't have a perfect son.

Slice.

I'm the problem.

Slice.

Everyone around me is the program, and I'm the virus that ruined it all.

Slice.

Slice.

Slice.

My vision danced with black dots, drowsiness and pain filled me.

"Jude?" Callie's voice cracked.

When did she get here?

I looked up and met her eyes, I smiled slightly.

"Its okay." I whispered.

Then everything went black.

______________________________________________


	4. Chapter 4

"Jude, you have to wake up.." Mom? 

"Jude, baby, you have to come back to me." Callie?

"Look, I know, its hard but you've got to pull through, Jude. For us, for your family." Mama? 

"Jude, you can't leave me! Not this way. Not yet! Jude!" Connor?

He's living with his mom, he can't be here. 

Was I dead?

__________________________________________________

I could hear voices and people throughout my coma like state, I knew a few of them were crying when they would speak. 

Tears that I had caused. 

I wanted to make them stop, I wanted everything to stop. 

I've cause so many people so much pain and misery, why should a monster like me be alive?

I don't deserve any of them.

__________________________________________________

One of them cried, I tried to reach to them, I knew it wouldn't work but I had hoped. 

Only, this time it did work. 

And in a split second, my eyes flashed open. 

_________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are wondering why Jude went to the extreme after Connor left, it wasn't nesassaryily about just Connor leaving, it was more like Connor leaving was the last straw rather than the full out start of the mess. 
> 
> Does that make some sense at least?


	5. Chapter 5

They say it was a miracle, I don't think so. 

They destroyed my one escape, why would they do that? 

My family can't even look at me anymore, I don't blame them, I wish I was gone to. 

Connors living with his dad again, he claimed he couldn't lose me, but who he used to know wasn't here anymore. 

He'd already lost me, 

I'm back at school now, my grades suck but I don't really care. 

Oh and yeah, I'm mute again. 

Yay!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its short I know, no inspiration for this ship lately :/


	6. Chapter 6

"What's wrong, love?" 

"Talk to me." 

"I still love you." 

"Why Jude?" 

"Its your fault." 

"Talk, it would make the family happy " 

"I'm here for you." 

"I love you Judicorn?" 

"Remember 'Hey Jude?'"

"Don't be this way." 

"Stop." 

The words smarmed in my head, over and over again, I knew I had to end it this time, for good. 

I picked up the knife I swiped from the kitchen, and in a swift movement, I stabbed my stomach, and fell to the floor. 

In a matter of minutes, I was dead. 

_________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I gave up on this story, so of course I killed my favorite character.


End file.
